Uncomfortable Toddlers
Here’s my Ask: Do Something Uncomfortable
We ask toddlers to do uncomfortable and unfamiliar things all the time. Toddlers don’t even get to disconnect from their emotions like we do — that’s a skill we learn as we grow — and they rarely have control over even personal aspects of their comfort like clothing
But often as adults we learn to push away from anything that brings discomfort too near, or that threatens our perception of control. We would rather look away than pay attention. Even from things that would be good for us. Things that we need to survive
And so I ask you to be as brave as a toddler, and tolerate doing something uncomfortable. To not only participate but to stay connected to your discomfort while it happens
Your uncomfortable thing doesn’t have to big1. It just has to be something that normally makes you push away and that exists in your world. Ride the bus. Genuinely notice and kindly acknowledge a stranger. Talk to your coworkers about your wages and your boss’s thefts. Respond with presence and kindness and care when you see something bad happen. Exist as a present, vulnerable person who wants and can accept help… particularly when things are uncomfortable
I ask you to show up as a toddler, just for once, when your instinct is to look away. Imagine that you don’t know anything that would make this uncomfortable moment better, accept how it disrupts your peace and control, and learn that you can tolerate it
And if you are brave I ask you to make time later to reflect and find the pain that made you want to look away in the first place. Or to share your story with someone, so that you can learn to tolerate discomfort together instead of separately
We sometimes need the ability to push away from discomfort. Our world is full of pain and it often demands we continue before our grief has faded. But like toddlers we also need the ability to stay with it, and to pay attention to what it tells us
- It also shouldn’t be dangerous; my ask is for you to be uncomfortable not unsafe. But don’t assume your discomfort is an indication of danger — the conflation of those two is exactly what I’m asking you to look at ↩︎